Thinking back to my own memories there are some that are crystal clear and some that are fuzzy or non-existent. The funny thing is that it’s not based on how long ago something happened. Some of my clearest memories are from my childhood and my teenage years and others are in the last few years.
There’s also not necessarily a correlation between my clearest memories and big events in my life. There are some everyday experiences that I remember from way back, like sitting on my parent’s bed with my dad listening to the words of the song Memories, and writing out the lyrics; or having to partner up in Miss McCormack’s 5th grade class and picking Barbara over Mary (Barbara is still one of my best friends). Yet, I barely remember my 30th birthday and that’s much more recent.
I remember meeting my husband Johnny for the first time like it was yesterday! I’ll never forget the look on his face or the fear I felt when I knew he liked me! (But that’s a story for another time!)
So what makes some memories so much clearer than others? After giving thought to the times in my life that are the most vivid, I realized that crystal clear memories are from the times in my life when I was really living my life, being in the moments and being happy to create those memories.
The fuzzier times, that I have to rack my brain to remember certain events or feelings, are during the times in my life when I was in search mode. That long, long period of time when I was wishing my life away. Hardly allowing myself to celebrate the good things in my life, I was thoroughly focused on what was wrong, what was missing and what I didn’t like about my life. I was chasing the fun. It would always be better if only I had -or if I was with -or I was -. It was always something. I can’t tell you how many undeveloped, disposable cameras I have from that period of time!
And it wasn’t that the things I was doing or the people I was with were not worth memories or photos, it was me! I could not appreciate the moments that made up those years because I was always focused on what was wrong and I wasn’t living in those moments!
One of my biggest priorities right now is living in the moment and grounding myself, so I can appreciate what’s happening right now in my life. I still dream about what I want to do, be and have, but I’m no longer focused on what’s wrong. It’s amazing how much brighter each day is with that outlook! I’m so excited now to be creating beautiful memories from totally uneventful, everyday experiences.